No Baby Mama Drama Zone

Don’t you hate when you don’t get the child support money he owes you?

Or how about the times he says he is going to show up but never does?

Do you get angry at the times he doesn’t call?

I bet you get even more angry that he is missing all the things your child is doing, and that your child does not have some male role model to look up to.

Okay before your blood starts boiling with all this in mind, I want you to ask yourself something, “is he really worth all that negative energy? “

It’s a struggle being a single mother and doing it alone, I know I am there. I know it’s even a struggle when you’re a joint couple raising a child together. Couples sometimes will have more arguments about their kids than most single parents, just because of the stress added to give your child the best and having to decide what is the best with another person.

To my single mother friends or those who have thought of becoming single mothers, please stop stressing over the things that should be your least of worries, especially over dead beat lying males who have only repeated the same thing over and over, disappointment. I understand you’re your child’s voice and you want what is best for them but you will never give it to them when you’re only thinking how the other person is making it hard for you.

My years of shame

I spent maybe the first 2 years arguing with my little girl’s father about child support and him visiting her on his visitation days because he wouldn’t. I cannot tell you it was easy because it wasn’t, but gratefully I soon realized afterwards that I should never have to beg another person to help me take of their child. I guess my pride kicked in.  I wish I could take back the many arguments and upset times I had with her father and his family. It was like I wanted him to be there for her all the time, because of all the love I have for my daughter I was afraid it was not enough and he needed to do his job, but you can’t change someone who doesn’t want to change.

I was hurting nobody but myself and wasting nobody’s time but my own. I could have become a stronger young adult if I had just accepted my hard truth and moved from it but I would have not succeeded if I did not learn from it.

It’s been six years already since I stopped expecting her father to put his time and love towards our child and from my own experience it is much better now not expecting him to do anything for her, it gives me much more satisfaction that I can do it without him.

Do not get me wrong he is a good father when he is with her, he shows her love, but he’s not consistent with it and well has missed plenty of her growing up. I can’t judge him because he is her father, I must be a better mother because of it.

A new perception

After wasting my breath and energy for two years on trying to make someone realize he should be there for his child, I realized I was on this ride alone and there was no shame to that. I had to do what was best for my daughter and I, and no man was going to give her and I that. It was just the two of us no matter what and when the world was going to give me crap I had to keep my smile up to show her that this mommy loved her no matter what!

I stayed in school and even though I had to stop going for awhile to work, I never stopped providing for her alone and never expected too much from her father.

You see when you spend your energy just looking at the negative you’re not moving forward and you’re just pushing yourself down. I wish you all the best with any drama your child’s father has brought you and I wish you could see your potential to do it alone. Yes it’s hard but you will have no regrets.

I can understand your anger when you do not get the credit you deserve for doing it alone, or the anger you get from the other parent for being… well we all say it a, “jerk.” It’s okay to be your child’s voice but do not let it anger you or bring you down. It’s too much energy lost being angry, just be happy with yourself and all you have done without them.

Even though I know my daughter wished we could have made it worked and I know that is a big reason to why most single mothers stick around with the baby daddy’s, it is still not an excuse for you to not get your own. It’s best to have your own success, and something to fall back on. I know if I had stuck around to fight with my daughter’s father I would have been stuck fixing our problems than to pay any attention to our child.  Like my favorite movie quote goes from Riding in Cars with Boys, “But if you stay and you ruin our lives, and you know that you will, then it’s my fault. Do you want me to live with that?”

Don’t live with regrets dealing with your child’s father, I praise the couples that can have a mutual agreement when it comes to their child, it takes a strong communication connection to have and if you can’t have that then you must not allow yourself to bring drama to the situation.

I hope you can learn from my mistakes or hopefully learn from your own and remember the person that comes first is your child then you.

Love a lot, smile more and stay drama free friends!

Until the next time love you all and God Bless!

Wrapping Up The Year

So we survived Christmas, yay!!! We survived the long lines to get those must have deals or toys, the gift wrapping and rewrapping, and the - well let’s admit the family drama that sometimes comes with it. At the end of it all we are just happy that the children are happy and, somehow, we made it through with good spirits.

Now the holidays are not quite over, there is one more day that we all prepare for by making new resolutions, promises, and of course new diets. This is all to prepare for a new year! New Years Eve is just days away, and I hope you have your new year’s resolution in order.

Out with the old in with the new!

Do not allow the drama from 2011 follow you into 2012. Maybe this year you kept saying “I want to go back to school,” “I need to finish my education,” or “I need a better job.” We can tell ourselves this over and over - for an entire year, but nothing will get done unless you do something about it, put in some action.

So this year I challenge all you mothers to be the motivators and role models to your children and get back into school. Education is the key to all success; it will open your mind to new experiences and open the doors to great achievements.

Where there is a will there is a way. Do not let 2011’s obstacles defeat you. Do not let pity excuses get in your way, because that only means you’re being negative and will never get to where you want to be. Do not underestimate your will power and do not let others drag down your dreams. So my advice is to drop the bubble busters and go and find out what you need to make it happen, you can put yourself where you are at and make it better with hard work and passion.

It will not be easy. Trust me, you will have the days you want to quit and use excuses to make yourself feel better about quitting but it will not fill in that void or get you anywhere.

As for the working mom, not happy where you’re at? Do something you enjoy. Start up a side project, be your own motivator! I have met many gals that found creativity in many different things, from creating their own bow lines, to becoming great designers and are opening up their own small side business. Yes it takes up time but at the end, after the hard work you put in, it will pay off.

You are your child’s best role-model this new year

If you just sit there and dwell on the negative and refuse to look into the positive, you are wasting yours and your child’s time. Show them that no obstacle can stand in yours or their way because you will be teaching them how to achieve it and how you will be there with them each step of the way.

Promoting education and positive activities to your kids will allow them to have good self-esteems and push for success. Do not let a bad year get you down. Let this be your year for change for you and your family.

I wish you ladies all the best and remember only you can do this, nobody will do it for you. Go after what you want this year and make it happen.

One thing I think of every end of the year is “What have I accomplished this year?” This question came from my father in 2008, when he was diagnosed with cancer.  He was always hard on me about education but we never had a great father-daughter relationship I would do anything to rebel against him or what he wanted for me. Once when he got sick it was my wake up call to grow up. I did not want my dad to get worst and only remember me as what I was at the time, I wanted him to be proud of me. I felt a desire to make a mark on this planet and I wanted it to be a positive one.  I needed to be role-model for my daughter. For myself, I needed to be a person who never gave up despite the negativity and crap the world gave me. Thankfully my father’s condition is better today. He is a constant reminder of my goal to make myself more than what I was and am. In this manner, I look back at the year, and see and can say I have accomplished many goals and have the ambition to do more.

I hope you found this useful and you go out there and make it your year because it’s not only for you but for the child you love so much!

Love you all and Happy New Year!

Keeping up with Christmas Spirit 

Hello ladies and happy holidays!

This is my first blog and I am so excited!!! = D

Tis the season to be jolly is what we hear so much during the holiday season, however life is not always so jolly, especially as a mommy during the holiday season. We have to keep that smile going for our children no matter how stressful it gets.

With this current slow economy, you might find yourself on a tighter than usual budget supporting yourself and your kiddo this season. It’s times like these during the holidays that makes us a bit unhappy that we can’t provide what we want for them, leaving us to feel stress and uncertain about all that jolliness this season.

Do not worry and do not let this bring you down this season, I always find myself saying when things are tough it only means happiness is near the corner.

Keep the smile and if you must cry do it, of course do not cry in front you kids, if you can when possible take a bathroom break (which you may find your sanctuary as a mom) and let it out, talk to a girlfriend over the phone (and not the negative Nancy one) but one who listens and puts things in perspective for you. It’s those strong friends that are essential for us to survive as moms.

If you do not have the money to provide the gifts your kids want, make it a memorable Christmas for them, and do not worry, after taking the time to get your education in place, it will come sooner than later.

My Charlie Brown Christmas

One year I had no money to buy the little one a gift but I did not allow that to take away the joy from the holidays she looked forward to every year.  I was fortunate enough to have family members buy her gifts and maybe it was not all what she wanted but it was the thought that counted.  You will notice a child is just excited with the whole idea of unwrapping Christmas gifts.

New Christmas Traditions to Help You Ease the Mind and Smile

Get creative and make a new tradition your child will take with them as they grow. Have you ever seen the Rice Krispy Treats holiday commercials? They show a mother, and grandmother making treats with their children, and the children laughing with joy and smiling. That commercial took me away the first time I saw it and I knew when I didn’t have much to give or just wanted to spend time with my little girl having fun I knew it would be doing something like that together.

Try this website or other similar websites to find creative ideas.

http://familyfun.go.com/christmas/

This website and other websites are great places to get easy to make decorations you and your little one will find fun, easy, and all so worth it this season.You may also find doing these activities as a stress reliever from school and work. 

I really hope you all will enjoy your holidays this year and pray when in doubt. As parents we wish to give our kids everything but material things should be the least of our worries. It is the love shared during the season that matters, it’s the faith you carry and teach your children to have, and it’s the little things you do in that time you will find as the most precious moments.  

From my family to yours we wish you a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!