Or how about the times he says he is going to show up but never does?
Do you get angry at the times he doesn’t call?
I bet you get even more angry that he is missing all the things your child is doing, and that your child does not have some male role model to look up to.
Okay before your blood starts boiling with all this in mind, I want you to ask yourself something, “is he really worth all that negative energy? “
It’s a struggle being a single mother and doing it alone, I know I am there. I know it’s even a struggle when you’re a joint couple raising a child together. Couples sometimes will have more arguments about their kids than most single parents, just because of the stress added to give your child the best and having to decide what is the best with another person.
To my single mother friends or those who have thought of becoming single mothers, please stop stressing over the things that should be your least of worries, especially over dead beat lying males who have only repeated the same thing over and over, disappointment. I understand you’re your child’s voice and you want what is best for them but you will never give it to them when you’re only thinking how the other person is making it hard for you.
My years of shame
I spent maybe the first 2 years arguing with my little girl’s father about child support and him visiting her on his visitation days because he wouldn’t. I cannot tell you it was easy because it wasn’t, but gratefully I soon realized afterwards that I should never have to beg another person to help me take of their child. I guess my pride kicked in. I wish I could take back the many arguments and upset times I had with her father and his family. It was like I wanted him to be there for her all the time, because of all the love I have for my daughter I was afraid it was not enough and he needed to do his job, but you can’t change someone who doesn’t want to change.
I was hurting nobody but myself and wasting nobody’s time but my own. I could have become a stronger young adult if I had just accepted my hard truth and moved from it but I would have not succeeded if I did not learn from it.
It’s been six years already since I stopped expecting her father to put his time and love towards our child and from my own experience it is much better now not expecting him to do anything for her, it gives me much more satisfaction that I can do it without him.
Do not get me wrong he is a good father when he is with her, he shows her love, but he’s not consistent with it and well has missed plenty of her growing up. I can’t judge him because he is her father, I must be a better mother because of it.
A new perception
After wasting my breath and energy for two years on trying to make someone realize he should be there for his child, I realized I was on this ride alone and there was no shame to that. I had to do what was best for my daughter and I, and no man was going to give her and I that. It was just the two of us no matter what and when the world was going to give me crap I had to keep my smile up to show her that this mommy loved her no matter what!
I stayed in school and even though I had to stop going for awhile to work, I never stopped providing for her alone and never expected too much from her father.
You see when you spend your energy just looking at the negative you’re not moving forward and you’re just pushing yourself down. I wish you all the best with any drama your child’s father has brought you and I wish you could see your potential to do it alone. Yes it’s hard but you will have no regrets.
I can understand your anger when you do not get the credit you deserve for doing it alone, or the anger you get from the other parent for being… well we all say it a, “jerk.” It’s okay to be your child’s voice but do not let it anger you or bring you down. It’s too much energy lost being angry, just be happy with yourself and all you have done without them.
Even though I know my daughter wished we could have made it worked and I know that is a big reason to why most single mothers stick around with the baby daddy’s, it is still not an excuse for you to not get your own. It’s best to have your own success, and something to fall back on. I know if I had stuck around to fight with my daughter’s father I would have been stuck fixing our problems than to pay any attention to our child. Like my favorite movie quote goes from Riding in Cars with Boys, “But if you stay and you ruin our lives, and you know that you will, then it’s my fault. Do you want me to live with that?”
Don’t live with regrets dealing with your child’s father, I praise the couples that can have a mutual agreement when it comes to their child, it takes a strong communication connection to have and if you can’t have that then you must not allow yourself to bring drama to the situation.
I hope you can learn from my mistakes or hopefully learn from your own and remember the person that comes first is your child then you.
Love a lot, smile more and stay drama free friends!
Until the next time love you all and God Bless!
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